Skull Quandary

Hey, maybe somebody slipped an asshole tablet into my Corn Flakes this morning or something, but what is up with the recent fashion trend of having skulls emblazoned on everything?

Who shops at Walmart exactly – the undead?

Seriously, on just about every t-shirt, casual shirt, and even dress shirt in the store there is a picture of a skull. Either as the main design across the chest, or small cutesy little skulls sewn onto the breast pocket the skulls are everywhere. When and how did this become the popular designer motif? It's as if the department stores of the world have performed some kind of mass marketing Vulcan mind twist on us all in order to convince us that skulls are, in fact, cool.

I’m sure the teenybopper vitamin-C deficient Goth kids and the greasy meth people you see hanging around at the bus station bumming cigarettes love their skull shirts - but I’m thirty-fucking-seven years old, dammit! I don’t particularly want skulls on my clothes, as I don’t feel that they accurately represent where I am at this stage of my life, thank you very much.

Can you image me wearing skull clothes? What kind of message is that to send out for a single thirty-seven year old man? “Hi, my name is Terry and I may or may not have a body in the trunk of my car. Can I get your number?” I'm not going to coax many dates that way am I? No! I’m likely to have an easier time teaching square dancing to coma patients.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m some kind of a fashion plate or anything – shit, I couldn’t get pussy from a dead cat. Even my fantasies just want to be friends. But if I were to suddenly take to wearing any of these plentiful skull shirts I’d give off all the sophistication of a two marbles rolling around inside a tin can.

Doesn't anyone wear shirts with cute, little harmless alligators or non-assuming horses on them anymore?