Fat-R-Us (Reprise)
So, the Big & Tall mens clothing store wasn't the terrible experience I had previously envisioned it to be. In fact - it was kinda cool. Of course it helps that I also happened to be the only person in the store at the time.
As it turns out, being on the cusp of qualifying as a Big & Tall mans size, is reassuring and even ego boosting to know that in the land of giants, I am the slim, beautiful one. For once, I could take solice in that at least my meager 19" neck dress shirt was not going to be mistaken for a teepee. Judging by some of the enormous sizes of shirts and pants on display, this store must cater to REALLY large men, or really smartly dressed brontosauruses.
Originally, I had envisioned the store sales attendants to resemble the kind of people who had previosuly worked for travelling carnivals and Freak Shows. Secretly, part of me was hoping for a Thorton Melon type to take my measurements, crack sexist jokes, make funny expressions with his eye brows while he urged me to stay in school. I certainly didn't expect the cute, petit sales assistant with a smile that would melt butter and a butt that could cause 10 car pile-ups. My spirit immediately warmed up, as did my credit card, to this whole shopping experience. Albeit, I now had the fear in the back of my mind that I might trip backwards over a chair leg while checking myself out in the boxcar-sized mirror and accidently crush her under my toppling girth.
The real coup de tat, was in being allowed to sip coffee in an upholstered chair while my cute sales attendant steamed the wrinkles out of my newly chosen attire with a portable steam unit that looked like some ER enema machine or something. I couldn't help but feel slightly aroused while this girl bent over in front of me and meticulously ironed out the creases in my shirts. By the time she was finished, I was flushed, sweaty, confused, and feeling just a little guilty over whether I owed her a substantial tip or not.
Screw going to the peelers for lap dances - I'm going back to the 'Big & Small Shop'!
As it turns out, being on the cusp of qualifying as a Big & Tall mans size, is reassuring and even ego boosting to know that in the land of giants, I am the slim, beautiful one. For once, I could take solice in that at least my meager 19" neck dress shirt was not going to be mistaken for a teepee. Judging by some of the enormous sizes of shirts and pants on display, this store must cater to REALLY large men, or really smartly dressed brontosauruses.
Originally, I had envisioned the store sales attendants to resemble the kind of people who had previosuly worked for travelling carnivals and Freak Shows. Secretly, part of me was hoping for a Thorton Melon type to take my measurements, crack sexist jokes, make funny expressions with his eye brows while he urged me to stay in school. I certainly didn't expect the cute, petit sales assistant with a smile that would melt butter and a butt that could cause 10 car pile-ups. My spirit immediately warmed up, as did my credit card, to this whole shopping experience. Albeit, I now had the fear in the back of my mind that I might trip backwards over a chair leg while checking myself out in the boxcar-sized mirror and accidently crush her under my toppling girth.
The real coup de tat, was in being allowed to sip coffee in an upholstered chair while my cute sales attendant steamed the wrinkles out of my newly chosen attire with a portable steam unit that looked like some ER enema machine or something. I couldn't help but feel slightly aroused while this girl bent over in front of me and meticulously ironed out the creases in my shirts. By the time she was finished, I was flushed, sweaty, confused, and feeling just a little guilty over whether I owed her a substantial tip or not.
Screw going to the peelers for lap dances - I'm going back to the 'Big & Small Shop'!
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
1:21 PM
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