Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Long and Winding Bore

So Paul McCartney has written a children’s book.

Big fucking whoop. He was a Beatle, Wing, painter, poet, father, producer, and knight, and if that weren't enough, Paul McCartney was featured in a national advertising campaign to help Fidelity Investments address the ever-changing financial needs of investors. What hasn’t he fucking done? The man taught a blackbird to sing on cue for Christ sakes!

So why is everyone so surprised? The man simply sneezes and its a photo op and makes the evening global news.

Honestly – think about it. The man could shit in a paper bag and people would instantly hail it as the most amazing fucking thing ever! People would line up into the next millennium outside the building just for the chance to view the newest masterpiece and to momentarily revel in all its stinky wonderment. “Just look at how the flecks of yellow in the corn nuggets add texture to the washes of browns and greens”, they would say. They would say that the turd in a bag effectively symbolizes the infinite struggle of mankind against the cosmic forces of reality enveloping him, or whatever it was that the Maharishi filled his drug-addled brain with back in the 60’s.

The book is called “High in the Clouds”. Swell – thanks, Sgt. Pepper! I wonder how long it will be before someone makes the obvious connection that the letters in the books also could also be interpreted to conveniently spell out “Hi-C”. It’s ‘Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds’ all fucking over again. But only this time for little kids and toddlers!

Wake up!

Paul McCartney is actually a fucking juice pusher you idiots!


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