"Pass the Viagra, Grandpa."

It was mentioned to me today by one of my new recruits, that he had been married for exactly half of his life. And most peculiarly – he said it with something of a smile on his face. Now, I will give this gentlemen total credit here, he seems like a perfectly genuine individual with more than just acorns rattling around in his noggin – I can see where being married for half his life could be something of a real accomplishment…

…but it just scares the living shit out of me!

After all, I know how old I am now and I know what double that is. And the thought that I should ever make it to the point in my life where I too could say that I’ve been chained to the same person for half my life just makes my nuts shrivel. By that stage in my aging process I’ll have all the sex appeal of an iron lung. I won’t be able to get a hard-on in a wind tunnel much less ever make love to my partner.

Now, about this gentleman to whom I was referring, he’s still considerably less in age now than I will ever be at the time when I too should ever be able to accomplish such a monumental plateau of marital bliss. This whole scenario is such a bizarre concept to me. It didn't so much as snowball out of control in my fragile male psyche as it totally careened towards the edge on a lubed up bobsled.

As it is, I’ll dance in the fucking street should my cat ever outlive my African violet that sits on the bathroom windowsill! Seriously! I’ve had bouts of indigestion that have lasted longer than some of my relationships.