The Big Chill
I have been labeled by a few of my work colleagues as a “chill” kind of guy. Good grief! “Chill”? Who am I – Frosty the-fucking-Snowman?
Apparently to them, if I'm interpretting this correctly, “chill” means that they see me as an easy-going, relaxed, fun kind of fellow with whom they could feel comfortable with and enjoy sitting and working beside – which in this zombie wasteland, is both quite an accomplishment and a compliment.
However, this whole “chill” label thing amuses me no end. Sure, on the exterior they see the cool, calm and collective free-spirit hippy guy with whom they’d entrust their daughters and sisters with (I feel it worthy to also note here that I have noticed a severe lacking in the offered daughters and sisters as of late as well); but on the interior I’m a much different beast indeed.
Little do they know that in my mind I’ve killed them all off – at least twice! On some particularly rough days, I have passed the time by imagining new and inventive ways to bump off my fellow work peers. Who doesn’t? Surely I’m not the only one. Of course, I may be the only one announcing this fact in an open forum for all to behold.
No demise is too exaggerated, too insignificant, or too unworthy. Depending on the particular workmate, they may have been killed off by a stampede of albino water buffaloes, to merely choking to death on a lima bean. There are varying degrees of mental murder for each specific work mate around me. Someone who keeps to themselves and doesn’t hassle me all day with unnecessary griping about their unfulfilled work lives for eight hours a day may be spared a brutal slaying and merely suffocated in an avalanche of throw pillows, where some dipshit who continually pisses me off by snapping their gum and beginning all his verbal communiqués with me by first stating “Question”, could expect to meet their maker through a more painful and grizzly means like being stuffed into a wood chipper or fed to hungry piranha.
What can I say? Believe it or not it keeps me sane throughout the day as well as preventing me from me acting out any of my random aggressions and end up sitting on Death Row for crimes against humanity.
Apparently to them, if I'm interpretting this correctly, “chill” means that they see me as an easy-going, relaxed, fun kind of fellow with whom they could feel comfortable with and enjoy sitting and working beside – which in this zombie wasteland, is both quite an accomplishment and a compliment.
However, this whole “chill” label thing amuses me no end. Sure, on the exterior they see the cool, calm and collective free-spirit hippy guy with whom they’d entrust their daughters and sisters with (I feel it worthy to also note here that I have noticed a severe lacking in the offered daughters and sisters as of late as well); but on the interior I’m a much different beast indeed.
Little do they know that in my mind I’ve killed them all off – at least twice! On some particularly rough days, I have passed the time by imagining new and inventive ways to bump off my fellow work peers. Who doesn’t? Surely I’m not the only one. Of course, I may be the only one announcing this fact in an open forum for all to behold.
No demise is too exaggerated, too insignificant, or too unworthy. Depending on the particular workmate, they may have been killed off by a stampede of albino water buffaloes, to merely choking to death on a lima bean. There are varying degrees of mental murder for each specific work mate around me. Someone who keeps to themselves and doesn’t hassle me all day with unnecessary griping about their unfulfilled work lives for eight hours a day may be spared a brutal slaying and merely suffocated in an avalanche of throw pillows, where some dipshit who continually pisses me off by snapping their gum and beginning all his verbal communiqués with me by first stating “Question”, could expect to meet their maker through a more painful and grizzly means like being stuffed into a wood chipper or fed to hungry piranha.
What can I say? Believe it or not it keeps me sane throughout the day as well as preventing me from me acting out any of my random aggressions and end up sitting on Death Row for crimes against humanity.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
5:20 PM
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