One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Breath

It seems like the good people at CNN have finally found their next great breaking story aimed at scaring the bejesus out of all its viewers. If you listen to Anderson Cooper, Larry King, Wolf Blitzer, or any of the other regular CNN media mandroids, we’re all poised to meet our maker at the hands of the next deadly overdue pandemic – the Avian Flu.

Reports are indicating that the world is overdue for another epic outbreak of something or other that will kill over %50 of the world’s population as quickly as a case of herpes through a Turkish prison. Of course, never one to be melodramatic, Mr. Cooper makes this next possible pandemic something that would make the Bubonic Plague seem more like the spread of Athlete's Foot at the local YMCA.

Hasn’t CNN given us enough to worry about already without raising fears about possible future outbreaks of diseases? I still haven’t finished digging the bomb shelter in my backyard after their last NYC subway bomb threat or taken the boards down off my windows after Hurricane Rita, Stan, Billy Bob, or whoever it was that was last reported blowing this way off the Gulf of Mexico. Now I have to contend with the fact that I may die a horrible death if my pet cockatiel happens to sneeze on me while I’m changing his cuttlebone?

Where does it all end? Where is the life worth living? If you were to believe in every CNN report, you may as well pull the trigger now and end it all before your toes drop off and your lungs begin to bleed out of your ears. Christ, the more I watch CNN the less likely it is that I will never leave my apaprtment again!