Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Death to Geraldo Rivera

I have a new pet peeve when it comes to the popular media. Move over Anderson Cooper, there’s a new Chief Dipshit in town.

If ever there was a complete tool bigger than Geraldo Rivera on television I haven’t see it - and I’ve seen some pretty big tools…umm, you know what I mean. I’m talking about those ghoulish news media devils - those who perpetuate the on-going cycle of fear - not some oiled down beefcake with a penis the size of a stuffed pork loin inside a purple banana hammock.

Suddenly Geraldo is everywhere again as you surf channels. He's the Dark Lord of Warpedness. Killer nurses, escaped serial killers, neighborhood pedophiles, crib deaths, traumatized Gulf War veterans; no subject matter is too morose or passé. Fuck, I’d sure hate to live in this guys ultimate world of doom and gloom where ever minute could be your last before the safe lands on your head.

Power, lies and corruption – oh my! Geraldo Rivera is like the modern world's version of Chicken Little; constantly crying out that the sky is falling, or at least is poisoning you in your sleep, and generating as much panic among the mainstream masses as possible. The whole world is careening towards to Hell and 'ol Geraldo is at the wheel!

This recent series of investigative exposes aired on CNN are only half hour portals into the mind of a truly paranoid individual. I’d rather go on a Christmas fishing trip with Scott Peterson than have to endure any further Geraldo Rivera Investigative Reports. Not because I’m still pissed off at him over wasting my time in opening Capone’s hidden vaults all those years ago, but because if you ever take anything that Geraldo offers up as truth you’ll only end up completely deranged and living in a cardboard box under some bridge.

If Anderson Cooper was the purveyor of media sensationalism; then Geraldo Rivera is the official concierge for Dante’s 9th Level of Hell. Any of Anderson's 360 program spiels is like honey from the lips of an angel compared to Geraldo's paranoid delusions.

I wouldn't watch ANY Geraldo Rivera Investigative Report's, unless maybe, he features an insiders look into a penthouse suite with Paris Hilton, Kobe Bryant, and Elvis impersonator, and a midget named Little Earl.

Now THAT'S investigative reporting!


  • OK, let me get this straight. You JUST FIGURED OUT that Geraldo is an assclown?

    Where were you when he gave away classified military information on national TV?

    Where were you when he did a 2 hour "Finding the Treasure" special about an empty cave?


    Hey, wanna buy a pet rock?


    - M

    By Blogger Marcheline, at 12:10 PM  

  • >>Where were you when he gave away classified military information on national TV?

    Where were you when he did a 2 hour "Finding the Treasure" special about an empty cave?<<

    I guess I was out indulging in and having a life then. You?

    By Blogger crazytigerrabbitman, at 3:09 PM  

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