Fat-R-Us

I have been directed by, seemingly, every single Men's clothing stores sales assistants within a 30 mile radius to whats unaffectionately known as the 'Big & Tall Shop'. I feel like I have finally been culled from the herd of young beautiful people.

Nobody in this damn city carries dress shirts with neck sizes above 17/18. And I refuse to buy those cheap-ass pre-packaged pastel shirts with matching tie combos that make everyone else look like ridiculous Ken dolls. So now I have to go to a special men's fat shop just to buy decent looking work dress shirts to retain what shreds of fashionable dignity I still have left. I'm afraid that when I ask for a size 19 neck, they're going to bring out something that looks like a circus lion should be leaping through it.

I'm going to end up hunkering down in the drivers seat of my car in the parkinglot waiting for the opportunity to quickly slink inside when there are no other pedestrians or shoppers around to spot me slipping inside the building.

I feel like I'm sneaking into the Adult Video Store.

I couldn't be any more ashamed of the situation had the last sales assistant I spoke to just openly told me flat out:

"Move it, Shamoo! You're blocking the merchandise racks from the other shoppers with that enormous ass of yours."