Wakemeup Before You Blow-Blow
I happened to take one of those “Wakeups” caffeine pills today at work from the girl who happened to be sitting beside me - purely for experimentation reasons, of course.
I’m not sure why I did. I'm the kind of person who lists "sleep" on the 'Interests' portion of my work resume. Perhaps it was just out of curiosity, or perhaps it was a instinctual throw back to my more footloose and fancy free University days of yore; but ultimately in about an hour or so, I expected to be literally bouncing off my cubicle walls like a hyperactive ADHD child after consuming a deluxe size Twix Bar.
Soon I was all sweaty and my eyes were bugging out like saucers, like somebody who’d just returned from an all-night rave party. I was twitching and tweaking and chewing at my fingernails like a trapped animal trying to escape its bonds.
It wasn't a pretty picture. I can only hope they never find the hole I started digging to China under my desk.
The recommended dosage on the package called for 1 or 2 of these happy pills every 4 hours as required.
Now, considering that each tablet contains the equivalent of a Jolt Cola enema, or at least a dozen cups of coffee or something – who needs that many tablets in the first place?
The “Wakeup” directions on the box also recommended not exceeding 8 tablets in any 24-hour period.
Holy shit! If I were ever to ingest 8 of these bitter-tasting peppy pink motherfuckers in a single day – I would probably be so fucking wired that I would be able to see into the future, and my heart would spontaneously combust inside my chest; forever putting me out of my workplace misery.
Not a good way to begin the workday at all!
I’m not sure why I did. I'm the kind of person who lists "sleep" on the 'Interests' portion of my work resume. Perhaps it was just out of curiosity, or perhaps it was a instinctual throw back to my more footloose and fancy free University days of yore; but ultimately in about an hour or so, I expected to be literally bouncing off my cubicle walls like a hyperactive ADHD child after consuming a deluxe size Twix Bar.
Soon I was all sweaty and my eyes were bugging out like saucers, like somebody who’d just returned from an all-night rave party. I was twitching and tweaking and chewing at my fingernails like a trapped animal trying to escape its bonds.
It wasn't a pretty picture. I can only hope they never find the hole I started digging to China under my desk.
The recommended dosage on the package called for 1 or 2 of these happy pills every 4 hours as required.
Now, considering that each tablet contains the equivalent of a Jolt Cola enema, or at least a dozen cups of coffee or something – who needs that many tablets in the first place?
The “Wakeup” directions on the box also recommended not exceeding 8 tablets in any 24-hour period.
Holy shit! If I were ever to ingest 8 of these bitter-tasting peppy pink motherfuckers in a single day – I would probably be so fucking wired that I would be able to see into the future, and my heart would spontaneously combust inside my chest; forever putting me out of my workplace misery.
Not a good way to begin the workday at all!
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
9:38 PM
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