Vehicular Fortitude
Today while walking to work, I happened to come across a good looking car, sadly named the Chrysler Sebring, that had been parked by the side of the road. Sure, it was a cool looking family sedan to be certain, but I could still never drive anything that sounds so... pussy.
The ‘Sebring’ - no fucking way!
When I own a car, I want a model of car whose name sounds like it would eat all other types of automobiles on the road for breakfast – not something that sounds like it could be a term used to explain the shriveling effect of one’s penis upon leaving the swimming pool.
Chrysler may as well have named it the “Shrinkage”. How cool is that?
I would imagine that anyone who drives something called a ‘Sebring’ would also be the type of person who drinks wine coolers through a straw at a keg rager. I just know that no real man in his right masculine mind would ever drive anything that sounded so fruity.
But I guess I am not really surprised given the common marketing trend immerging recently of naming makes of cars with rather limp sounding names like the Echo, the Essence, the Hybrid, the Neon, Optima, or Tiburan.
The Tiburan? Iisn’t that a brand of Swiss chocolate bar or something for Christ sakes? Who wants to drive a chocolate bar molded into milk chocolate triangles? Likewise, the Echo isn't about to invoke the desired masculine satisfaction of having operated a powerful performance vehicle either, is it? It hardly causes any stirrings in my lions, that's for sure!
Jesus! Even my frisbee golf discs have cooler, more powerful-sounding names (Roc, Talon, Vulture, Cheetah, etc.)! If this sissy-ass trend of naming our new automobiles continues as it does, I can foresee a time in the near future where we'll all be driving cars with names like the new Ford Clitorus*, or the Pontiac Panzarotti.
Fuck - I'd rather walk than be caught riding around in town in something with such a ridiculous sounding name, than you very much! Even the losers riding in the "Priority Seating' spot behind the driver on the city bus can ride with more pride than these pansy-ass car owners!
* Prossibly marketed as 'Klytorus'
The ‘Sebring’ - no fucking way!
When I own a car, I want a model of car whose name sounds like it would eat all other types of automobiles on the road for breakfast – not something that sounds like it could be a term used to explain the shriveling effect of one’s penis upon leaving the swimming pool.
Chrysler may as well have named it the “Shrinkage”. How cool is that?
I would imagine that anyone who drives something called a ‘Sebring’ would also be the type of person who drinks wine coolers through a straw at a keg rager. I just know that no real man in his right masculine mind would ever drive anything that sounded so fruity.
But I guess I am not really surprised given the common marketing trend immerging recently of naming makes of cars with rather limp sounding names like the Echo, the Essence, the Hybrid, the Neon, Optima, or Tiburan.
The Tiburan? Iisn’t that a brand of Swiss chocolate bar or something for Christ sakes? Who wants to drive a chocolate bar molded into milk chocolate triangles? Likewise, the Echo isn't about to invoke the desired masculine satisfaction of having operated a powerful performance vehicle either, is it? It hardly causes any stirrings in my lions, that's for sure!
Jesus! Even my frisbee golf discs have cooler, more powerful-sounding names (Roc, Talon, Vulture, Cheetah, etc.)! If this sissy-ass trend of naming our new automobiles continues as it does, I can foresee a time in the near future where we'll all be driving cars with names like the new Ford Clitorus*, or the Pontiac Panzarotti.
Fuck - I'd rather walk than be caught riding around in town in something with such a ridiculous sounding name, than you very much! Even the losers riding in the "Priority Seating' spot behind the driver on the city bus can ride with more pride than these pansy-ass car owners!
* Prossibly marketed as 'Klytorus'
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
5:57 PM
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