The Wall of Boogers

There is a “Wall of Boogers” in the Men’s Bathroom at work that has failed to be cleaned for the entire length of my employ inside the building. This long wall that occupies the urinals has a literal mosaic of dried snot on it, so much so, that when you stand back and squint your eyes at it, it almost looks like a Manet painting.

How fucking gross is that?

By now, there is at least a few years of dried mucus membrane on this particular wall from all the nasal cavities of thousands of past and present male employees who have passed through and cleared their passages while taking a quick piss.

Doesn’t exactly give you the “warm fuzzies”, does it?

I used to try and block out these disturbing mountings each time I have to go to the bathroom, but it’s no use – they’re just too in your face, literally, as you stand there idly facing them as you get on with your bid’ness. It’s like trying to not let your gaze slip away and pass over to scope out automobile accidents as you pass by on the freeway.

I have noticed however, that other men seem to have no problem whatsoever, and in no way repulsed as much as I am about this cornucopia of dried boogers. Instead, they will stare directly into this crusty constellation mindlessly as if they were trying to make out some hidden picture in one of those 3D optical illusion posters.

Personally, I can’t see the forest for the mounted snot – so I have to close my eyes or divert my gaze elsewhere while I am peeing – usually, I just stare at my cock (it’s the least unassuming thing that I can think of looking at, at that exact moment).

I think it may be because, in this ever-changing office environment, this Men’s Bathroom “Wall of Boogers” has easily become the most recognizable non-changing entity in the entire building. It’s the one thing that will always remain constant during their regular workday – after all, who’s going to willfully accept the task of scraping and chipping off years worth of smeared snot?

Perhaps this mucusy montage is actually the trophy wall for some sick twisted bastard who refuses to use Kleenex (or his seat cushion) like the rest of us. Maybe this is his bizarre installation art project in progress.

Now here's a guy that I hope never to have to knowingly sit beside! He’s probably the same kind of guy that likes to wack off in the bathroom stalls, braids his pubic hair, and sketches spooky clowns in charcoal at his desk. He’s likely a sure candidate to suddenly snap and go all ‘Children of the Corn’ when somebody actually does clean away his prized booger collection.

That’s a day I can only pray that I had the good foresight to have called in sick for!