Infestation Blues

I have been stricken with the mother of all flu viruses and I am currently home, playing hooky from work. My body has been suddenly transformed into a drippy, mucousy mess. The energy is being sapped from my body like a Maple tree come February. I’ve had other flu bugs and germs before, but this particular bug is Biblical.

Who returns from a sunny weekend’s camping excursion with both a vicious sunburn AND a cold?

To recuperate, I am going to lie on my couch in front of Ellen DeGeneres, make bacon sandwiches, and pass out in a mixed pile of toast crumbs and snot until the Health fairies see fit to return enough sufficient stores of my precious energy and bodily fluids so that I can return to work once again tomarrow.

On the other hand, perhaps I should instead strip down and hop into the freezer and prolong this disease for maybe another day in order to keep me from roasting my through another shift under those flourescent office place lights.