Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Saturday, June 04, 2005

331 More Words About Sperm

It seems that sperm is the popular topic of discussion in the world media spheres. At least this time it doesn’t include the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), thank god!

Instead, an Australian court ruled that a widow couldn’t use her the frozen sperm from her dead husband to have a baby. WTF? Apparently, a written consent must be supplied from the husband before his juice can be utilized to bear any more children.

Like that’s possible.

I think that the dead husband has more pressing concerns as to whether his frozen ‘Spunk Parfait’ is going to be used to father another child for his living wife. It’s not like his junk was being of any use to anything whatsoever now is it?

I think that he’s looking down from a cloud in heaven, more pissed at his being prematurely reduced to worm food, than why his wasted sperm was being taken without his consent.

I guess when I get around to tying the knot, I will include in our marriage nuptials a signed consent form allowing my wife to milk me like a garden snake if she ever chose to father an army of Crazytigerrabbit clones after I shuffle off this mortal coil. My man juice may as well be put to some good use when I’m dead.

Besides, I’d rather my beloved surviving wife use my sperm to father another healthy child than perhaps limiting her options to taking out a donor sample from the local ‘Lenny’s Soda & Sperm Bank Emporium’ down on the corner.

In fact, I think I will go one further and contact one of those biogenetic laboratories, and have them recreate a fully functioning replica of my manhood, by growing an exact cock in my likeness on the back of a meercat at a cloning cock farm in Indiana that my wife can later use to impregnate herself in my absence without relying on the courts to wave all the stupid judicial red tape.


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