Osama's been Snortin'
Osama bin Laden sure is a wiley son of a bitch, isn’t he? For one thing, he sure knows how to hit America where it hurts just as he surely knows how to hide and operate a kidney dialysis machine in the caves of Afghanistan for over 5 years.
Case in point?
The New York Post revealed last week that bin Laden met personally with a Colombian drug cartel in 2002, in an attempt to perpetrate the most fiendish act of terrorism you could ever possibly imagine. Even legendary criminal mastermind Lex Luther couldn’t have devised a more sinister plan of destruction. It’s even far more fiendish than the ill-fated plan to make a sequel to 'Jury Duty' with Pauley Shore – and that’s pretty fucking fiendish, eh buuuuuuddy. Okay. Are you ready? Because this is really fiendish, seriously. Osama bin laden is so fiendish that he literally wants to eat your very soul!
According to the Post, Osama bin Laden was planning to buy a whole shitload of coke, and then poison it before unloading it again on a certain unsuspecting Western superpower of unholy junkie infidels. Namely – US!
Ho. Lee. Crap! Is that a fucking act of International terrorism or what? Talk about dishing out a vicious shot to the nose of democracy! So, Osama’s big plan was to kill off a bunch of cokeheads? My god! A life without Courtney Love is just not a life worth living! That fiendish motherfucker!
As the article in the Post notes, “bin Laden hoped that large numbers of Americans dying from poisoned coke would lead to wide-spread terror”. It did not, however, also note that it could be expected that this would also lead the current MTV nation to produce and bust out some of the most sickest jams ever!
The plan ultimately failed though when the Colombians decided they feared reprisals from the U.S. more than bin Laden, so cokeheads can relax for now…if they can. More directly, the Colombian drug cartel feared that the poisoned marching powder could possibly hinder their chances of having the current ‘Monsters of Rock’ tour coming to Bogotá. For them, that was a fate darker than the starting line of the Olympics Men’s 100m Dash. And who could blame them? Ratt kicks ass when properly medicat…err, motivated.
Sure, I can see where people would be spooked if you’re, say, Darryl Strawberry or Charlie Sheen. But personally, I’m not really bothered or threatened in the slightest. I’m not so sure I would really mind if all the paranoid, jittery limp dicks around me started dropping like Ramones.
Now, poison the coffee beans that go into making my precious Tim Horton’s double-doubles, or even fuck with the THC levels in my weed, and I’ll enlist in the Marines myself so that I can have the chance to kick his extreme fundamentalist ass!
Case in point?
The New York Post revealed last week that bin Laden met personally with a Colombian drug cartel in 2002, in an attempt to perpetrate the most fiendish act of terrorism you could ever possibly imagine. Even legendary criminal mastermind Lex Luther couldn’t have devised a more sinister plan of destruction. It’s even far more fiendish than the ill-fated plan to make a sequel to 'Jury Duty' with Pauley Shore – and that’s pretty fucking fiendish, eh buuuuuuddy. Okay. Are you ready? Because this is really fiendish, seriously. Osama bin laden is so fiendish that he literally wants to eat your very soul!
According to the Post, Osama bin Laden was planning to buy a whole shitload of coke, and then poison it before unloading it again on a certain unsuspecting Western superpower of unholy junkie infidels. Namely – US!
Ho. Lee. Crap! Is that a fucking act of International terrorism or what? Talk about dishing out a vicious shot to the nose of democracy! So, Osama’s big plan was to kill off a bunch of cokeheads? My god! A life without Courtney Love is just not a life worth living! That fiendish motherfucker!
As the article in the Post notes, “bin Laden hoped that large numbers of Americans dying from poisoned coke would lead to wide-spread terror”. It did not, however, also note that it could be expected that this would also lead the current MTV nation to produce and bust out some of the most sickest jams ever!
The plan ultimately failed though when the Colombians decided they feared reprisals from the U.S. more than bin Laden, so cokeheads can relax for now…if they can. More directly, the Colombian drug cartel feared that the poisoned marching powder could possibly hinder their chances of having the current ‘Monsters of Rock’ tour coming to Bogotá. For them, that was a fate darker than the starting line of the Olympics Men’s 100m Dash. And who could blame them? Ratt kicks ass when properly medicat…err, motivated.
Sure, I can see where people would be spooked if you’re, say, Darryl Strawberry or Charlie Sheen. But personally, I’m not really bothered or threatened in the slightest. I’m not so sure I would really mind if all the paranoid, jittery limp dicks around me started dropping like Ramones.
Now, poison the coffee beans that go into making my precious Tim Horton’s double-doubles, or even fuck with the THC levels in my weed, and I’ll enlist in the Marines myself so that I can have the chance to kick his extreme fundamentalist ass!
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
6:29 PM
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