Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Elton Spawn

Elton John got married?

Oh. My. God.

However did this little tidbit of sensational media gossip slip under my radar so completely undetected? Somebody shoot my messenger dwarves.

Now, I can only imagine to what degree this event of such unequivitable gayness would have been. Had I known it was happening at the time, I would have been glued to the E! channel for late breaking, up-to-the-moment details on the wedding ceremony. I would have been as glued to it as I would have been for any other hurricane, tsunami, plague, earthquake, or terrorist attack that might have otherwise been showing instead. Shit, I bet this whole opus of homosexuality is second only in the record of the worlds most gayest historical events to Siegfried & Roy's infamous white tiger ticklefest at Neverland Ranch.

I bet their $2,000,000 reception was rife with swans, lavender-scented candles, and immaculate elfen servants in leotard with long beautiful girl hair shooting arrows from the backs of unicorns. After the olive oil bathes and group rub downs, wedding attendees were invited to a dinner of spinache quiche and an advance private screening of 'Brokeback Mountain'.

I bet it would have brought a tear to Freddie Mercury's eye.