"Brangeletus"

It would seem lately like there is either a serious shortage of condoms or somebody has slipped something into the Hollywood water supply causing a sudden increase in the number of recently announced celebrity pregnancies - because the headlines of just about every celebrity gossip magazine on the rack these days is featuring some juicy tidbit about the upcoming birth or pregnancy status report of some famous celebrity schlup or other. At the very least there is a photo of some pot-bellied primadonna sporting a Starbucks caffeinated beverage.

Tis the season to be knocked up and wired I guess.

First, the celebrity baby buzzboard was set afire with the news that Katie Holmes had been successfully impregnated by her leading man fiance Tom Cruise. Tabloids began to lap up the news when 'ol Tommy went so far as to even buy a sonogram machine in order to monitor the development of his unborn child growing in Holmes' womb. I wonder how God, "the Scientist", feels about Cruise keeping regular tabs on his divine handywork with his unborn fetus? Isn't that a little too - oh, I don't know - Dr. Frankenstein? If Tom's not careful, God is likely to give his precious newborn gills; or heavens forbid, a mangina.

Not to be outdone, there's also the preganancy announcements for Matt Damon and his wife Luciana Bozan, singer Gwen Stephani and rocker Gavin Rossdale, as well as fashion model Rachel Weisz and her fiancé-slash-director Darren Aronofskgwen.

But to top it all off, there's “Brangeletus” - the child expected by actors and all round beautiful people, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. My god is this child going to be fucking gorgeous or what?! Think about it, with such striking specimens for parents as Brad and Angelina, this child is simply bound to be too fucking beautiful to even gaze upon when it falls from Angelina's loins like a ripe tropical fruit. Brad Pitt's spuzz alone is rumored to cure cancer, eliminate aging wrinkles, as well as granting eternal youth for fuck sakes! He's like the Holy Grail of sperm in Hollywood.

When the time of birth arrives, this Golden Child will spit forth from Angelina's vagina in a wash of intense white light to the herald of trumpeting angels and followed by a twleve piece marching band to mark it's arrival into this world. It'll be the fucking birth of the century! Cattle will low; shepherds, wisemen, and Hollywood movie producers will trek from miles around after following a bright start in the West sky, to offer their greeting and tributes of gold frankincense and modeling contracts.

This child will be the perfect prototype if ever there is the need for the salvation of the human race following some global disaster of magnus proportions. We could create clones of this beautiful newborn and repopulate mankind as a race of perfect beings.