Fuck Bell!
“Sound the horns; cue the angel choruses!”
I have finally managed to break free from nearly two decades of indentured servitude to the great, ugly Bell beast. Things already seem…brighter, more cheerful. The very air seems sweeter. Probably because this is the first time in 18 years I haven’t lived life without my nose firmly embedded up Kevin Crull’s ass.
Fuck you Bell, you life-sucking, soulless bastards!
Now that I’ve managed to sever the Bell umbilical cord the company is literally bombarding me with monthly discount specials and invitations for special reconnection deals. I’m sure I’ll get the same rear end shafting from my new telephone provider but at least it won’t be Bell that’s doing the shafting. Bell Telephone has used me like a cell block bitch for the most part. Over the years they’ve managed to squeeze not only the life, but every extra cent I’ve ever managed to scrape together. And now that they’ve posted extra security guards around the wishing pond at the public mall, those cents aren’t totaling up like they used to. Soon, I was going to have to resort to sucking dick just to keep up with my monthly bill.
And fuck those talking beavers, Frank and Gordon too!
I HATE talking animal mascots. How creepy is that?
So while we’re at it, fuck the GEICO Gecko, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, The Budweiser frogs, Tony the Tiger, Tucan Sam, Roy and Karl from Blockbuster, the Trix rabbit, and the AFLAC duck for that matter too! Fuck ‘em all!
So the chances of Kevin Crull, President of Residential Services, winning back my business by sending me heartfelt ‘Have You Seen Terry?’ cards in the mail with those two god-forsaken, flat-tailed, dim-witted water rats are slim to fucking none!
I’ve only just left Bell and they’ve already latched onto me like an orphaned chimp. Only NOW do they value my business now that I’ve left? Well it's too late, you tyrannical cocksuckers! So let’s get one thing straight, dipshits, I’d rather get my telephone service from a hammer-wielding psychopath than ever reenlist my telephone service with Bell again.
So call off the beavers already, assholes.
This disgruntled patron has left the building.
I have finally managed to break free from nearly two decades of indentured servitude to the great, ugly Bell beast. Things already seem…brighter, more cheerful. The very air seems sweeter. Probably because this is the first time in 18 years I haven’t lived life without my nose firmly embedded up Kevin Crull’s ass.
Fuck you Bell, you life-sucking, soulless bastards!
Now that I’ve managed to sever the Bell umbilical cord the company is literally bombarding me with monthly discount specials and invitations for special reconnection deals. I’m sure I’ll get the same rear end shafting from my new telephone provider but at least it won’t be Bell that’s doing the shafting. Bell Telephone has used me like a cell block bitch for the most part. Over the years they’ve managed to squeeze not only the life, but every extra cent I’ve ever managed to scrape together. And now that they’ve posted extra security guards around the wishing pond at the public mall, those cents aren’t totaling up like they used to. Soon, I was going to have to resort to sucking dick just to keep up with my monthly bill.
And fuck those talking beavers, Frank and Gordon too!
I HATE talking animal mascots. How creepy is that?
So while we’re at it, fuck the GEICO Gecko, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, The Budweiser frogs, Tony the Tiger, Tucan Sam, Roy and Karl from Blockbuster, the Trix rabbit, and the AFLAC duck for that matter too! Fuck ‘em all!
So the chances of Kevin Crull, President of Residential Services, winning back my business by sending me heartfelt ‘Have You Seen Terry?’ cards in the mail with those two god-forsaken, flat-tailed, dim-witted water rats are slim to fucking none!
I’ve only just left Bell and they’ve already latched onto me like an orphaned chimp. Only NOW do they value my business now that I’ve left? Well it's too late, you tyrannical cocksuckers! So let’s get one thing straight, dipshits, I’d rather get my telephone service from a hammer-wielding psychopath than ever reenlist my telephone service with Bell again.
So call off the beavers already, assholes.
This disgruntled patron has left the building.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
5:52 PM
1 Comments:
Good for you! I can't stand those talking beavers, either. My friend, unfortunately, is still indentured, but hopefully not for long...
By
Wandering Coyote, at 8:33 PM
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