Evangelical Epiphany
This afternoon, I decided to weather out the preliminary St. Patty’s Day ceremonies by staying in with a few cans of Guinness and the documentary ‘Jesus Camp’.
It just seemed to me to be the best way to avoid the green-clad idiots but still participate in something traditionally Irish. And what better way to do that than indulge in a little booze and good ‘ol religious drama? If that doesn’t embody the whole Irish philosophy, I don’t know what does.
What can I say? I was born into blasphemy.
What I learned this St. Patrick’s Day is that these Evangelical children are fucking freaks! You could take a dump in their Cocoa-Puffs and tell them it was God’s will, and they’d just grin like retarded chimpanzee’s and dig in.
I am surprised to learn just how many Evangelicals there are and how the numbers are growing exponentially each year. There are now just under 80 million Evangelicals walking among us and they’re fucking like bunnies!
And that, my friends, is a lot of Bible-thumpers.
Now I’m going to think that every buck-toothed mullet child is a Jesus freak who likes to chant in-groups on weekend retreats and is just waiting for the opportunity to witness me in the breakfast cereal aisle at the Supermarket. I’m a magnet for these Jesus freaks.
Some days I figure I must have “Save Me” written across my forehead. Maybe it’s just my ordinary every day expression of pure unadulterated ignorance that somehow signals to them that here’s someone with some issues to work out.
I do agree with one point made by the Evangelicals in the movie, however. And that’s that “you don’t make heroes out of warlocks”. You’re fucking-A right you don’t!
Pastor Rebecca Fischer – you go girl!
I say we roast that bespeckled demon motherfucker right now for the demon fuckity fuck he is. But, then again, maybe that’s just the drunken Irishman in me talking.
Funny thing is, the more Guinness I have, and the drunker I get, the more the idea of having a mindless army of zombie Christian children sounds pretty cool. Maybe the idiot president is onto something here!
I’d get myself elected and take over the Western World with my “Army of God”.
Yeah, that’d be totally bad ass.
It just seemed to me to be the best way to avoid the green-clad idiots but still participate in something traditionally Irish. And what better way to do that than indulge in a little booze and good ‘ol religious drama? If that doesn’t embody the whole Irish philosophy, I don’t know what does.
What can I say? I was born into blasphemy.
What I learned this St. Patrick’s Day is that these Evangelical children are fucking freaks! You could take a dump in their Cocoa-Puffs and tell them it was God’s will, and they’d just grin like retarded chimpanzee’s and dig in.
I am surprised to learn just how many Evangelicals there are and how the numbers are growing exponentially each year. There are now just under 80 million Evangelicals walking among us and they’re fucking like bunnies!
And that, my friends, is a lot of Bible-thumpers.
Now I’m going to think that every buck-toothed mullet child is a Jesus freak who likes to chant in-groups on weekend retreats and is just waiting for the opportunity to witness me in the breakfast cereal aisle at the Supermarket. I’m a magnet for these Jesus freaks.
Some days I figure I must have “Save Me” written across my forehead. Maybe it’s just my ordinary every day expression of pure unadulterated ignorance that somehow signals to them that here’s someone with some issues to work out.
I do agree with one point made by the Evangelicals in the movie, however. And that’s that “you don’t make heroes out of warlocks”. You’re fucking-A right you don’t!
Pastor Rebecca Fischer – you go girl!
I say we roast that bespeckled demon motherfucker right now for the demon fuckity fuck he is. But, then again, maybe that’s just the drunken Irishman in me talking.
Funny thing is, the more Guinness I have, and the drunker I get, the more the idea of having a mindless army of zombie Christian children sounds pretty cool. Maybe the idiot president is onto something here!
I’d get myself elected and take over the Western World with my “Army of God”.
Yeah, that’d be totally bad ass.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
12:36 PM
1 Comments:
Army of God? Will there be armor and big, bad ass swords involved? If so, I'm totally in!
By
STP, at 8:51 AM
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