Bisexual Breakdown

To go all Seinfeld for a moment; what’s the deal with bisexual people anyway? Aren’t they having enough fun with one sex that they have to go back for seconds with the other sex too? Where’s the justice in that?

Save some for the rest of us why don’t you.

How is it fair that these people are getting so much sex? Here I’m struggling to make any progress with the one type of sex, and here’s these people banging anything that moves; be it penis or vagina.

It’s not right. Suddenly, I’m even less popular with the ladies. It's hard enough to get a date as it is! It's bad enough I have to compete with other men but now I have to compete with the ladies too? I might as well have a cows utter stitched to the side of my face for all the pain and humiliation I feel at having lost out to someone of the same sex as that of my latest obsession.

But why stop there though? Why not just claim complete monopoly over the whole sex thing altogether and declare yourself “Omnisexual” – willing to fuck anything and everything; be it vegetable, animal or mineral.

Then perhaps I might consider myself a little more lucky in love when I’m at least having an intimate relationship with my loaf of Wonder bread.