Rules for Men Over 30

When a man (and I use that term loosely) turns 30 years of age – things are suddenly different. All of a sudden, you’re expected not only to be an adult but act like one too.

So for reference sake, I have compiled a list of 40 things that any man over the age of 30 should never be caught doing or else be forever recognized as a complete and utter fuckwit by the rest of society.

1. Dynotape their name on their lunchbox
2. Go to see an Adam Sandler movie in the cinema…or even rent one for that matter.
3. Give himself his own nickname.
4. Use a wallet, watch, or anything that fastens with Velcro.
5. Bring binoculars to a nude beach.
6. Name their pets after Middle Earth characters.
7. Jokingly flash gang signs when posing for wedding photographs.
8. Wear Disney-theme ties.
9. Air guitar in public.
10. Burp the alphabet.
11. Keep condoms in their wallet.
12. Mist up during metal power ballads.
13. End conversations with “Peace Out”, “Later Skater”, or “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!”
14. Build a bong.
15. Shout out a response to “Are you ready to rock?”
16. Request ‘Freebird’ at a concert.
17. Blast Hip-Hop on their car stereo while toodling around downtown with the windows down.
18. Get leglessly drunk in public.
19. Save money by purchasing 2-ply toilet paper.
20. Ever make the “Hang Loose” sign, or offer anyone a little "fist bump action" in greeting.
21. Wave at somebody across the room by wiggling his fingers.
22. Refer to himself in the third person.
23. Refer to girls as “chicks”.
24. Do shots with frou-frou sounding shooters such as 'Slippery Nipple', 'Sex on a Beach', or 'Broken Down Golf Cart'.
25. Refer to cutting up hot dogs into Kraft dinner as “culinary skill”.
26. Use the word “phat”, “sick”, or “ill” when discussing anything.
27. Never tell anyone to “take a chill pill”.
28. Use ‘Star Wars’ bed sheets.
29. Order pay-per-view Wrestling events.
30. Sing along to Billy Joel tunes.
31. Read Harry Potter books.
32. Get a tattoo of a cartoon character anywhere on their body.
33. Drop Simpsons quotes during dinnertime conversation.
34. Consider comic books as valid reading material.
35. Rent porn.
36. Excuse himself to the "Little Boys Room".
37. Be caught checking out girls under the age of 18.
38. Get highlites in their hair.
39. Refer to their penis by a pet name.
40. Post "Top Ten" lists on the Internet.