Alcohole Lightweights
I overheard some male workmates of mine today bragging to each other on their break about the maximum number of beers that they have each consumed at some point during the height of their juvenile binging days.
What complete and utter morons.
I simply cannot buy these kinds of pointless macho pissing contests. Why not just flop out their penises on the table to see who is the biggest and therefore the most manly when it comes to alcohole consumption? Anyone who ever take pride in announcing “once, I drank 63 beers in one night and still managed to party to dawn” is just completely full of horseshit (not to mention themselves).
The kind of person who drinks to such excess in one sitting, especially enough to be even considered worthy of being mentioned to your buddies, would certainly be in no fucking condition to recall the next morning how many drinks they did in fact manage to down during the previous evenings debauchery.
What kind of mutant can wake up with a hangover of such monstrous proportions that the throbbing in their head can be read on the Richter Scale, and still be instantly capable of quantum mathematics in order to accurately calculate the total consumed beverages the night before? Slip a few ‘Alabama Slammers’ into Steven Hawking and I doubt he’d even be able to add 2 + 2 together.
In my humble experience (as a bartender of 14 years), these braggarts are usually the low-tolerance (not to mention low-browed), frat house moolyaks who get shit-faced on the first 3 beers, dance around like an uninhibited pansy-ass to Michael Jackson's ‘Thriller’ with a lampshade on their head, then in an alcohole-induced state of inebriated brotherhood proceed give away the rest of his case of beers to complete strangers until he realizes he only has one beer left that he clutches to his chest like a quarterback protecting the game ball as he passes out on the floor with a banana lodged up his ass.
Bravo, jackass!
What complete and utter morons.
I simply cannot buy these kinds of pointless macho pissing contests. Why not just flop out their penises on the table to see who is the biggest and therefore the most manly when it comes to alcohole consumption? Anyone who ever take pride in announcing “once, I drank 63 beers in one night and still managed to party to dawn” is just completely full of horseshit (not to mention themselves).
The kind of person who drinks to such excess in one sitting, especially enough to be even considered worthy of being mentioned to your buddies, would certainly be in no fucking condition to recall the next morning how many drinks they did in fact manage to down during the previous evenings debauchery.
What kind of mutant can wake up with a hangover of such monstrous proportions that the throbbing in their head can be read on the Richter Scale, and still be instantly capable of quantum mathematics in order to accurately calculate the total consumed beverages the night before? Slip a few ‘Alabama Slammers’ into Steven Hawking and I doubt he’d even be able to add 2 + 2 together.
In my humble experience (as a bartender of 14 years), these braggarts are usually the low-tolerance (not to mention low-browed), frat house moolyaks who get shit-faced on the first 3 beers, dance around like an uninhibited pansy-ass to Michael Jackson's ‘Thriller’ with a lampshade on their head, then in an alcohole-induced state of inebriated brotherhood proceed give away the rest of his case of beers to complete strangers until he realizes he only has one beer left that he clutches to his chest like a quarterback protecting the game ball as he passes out on the floor with a banana lodged up his ass.
Bravo, jackass!
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
8:44 PM
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