"Great gobs of cat cack, Batman!"

A State of National Emergency was narrowly avoided in my apartment last night as I happened to witness my cat experiencing the unfortunate circumstance of having to hack up his first fur ball onto my living room carpet.

Holy shit! Considering that I have never seen him engage in this apparently common feline instinct or found any such crusty Slinky’s of cat hair and spit laying around, that this was sure a fucking stressful ordeal to witness. Particularly, when you see your bestest buddy in the whole world writhing on the floor in front of you gasping and retching like an asthmatic python trying to work out a beer nut.

I was seconds away from dispatching Emergency Medical Response units to my door in order to have him airlifted directly to the nearest waiting Veterinarian, before he finally gave forth with a mighty gob of smooshy cat cack. Mmmmmm.

It looked like he was exorcizing demons from his body or something, not just simply trying to expunge built up follicle matter from his digestive tract.

“The power of Christ compels you! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!”