Estefag

Who the fuck is this “Esteban” guitar guy on television that has become all the rage lately on all the various different Home Shopping Networks Infomercial programs? And what the fuck makes him think that he’s so fucking qualified as a guitar-teaching virtuoso?

Have you ever heard of ESTEBAN before now? No. Has anybody ever tried to slip you an Esteban album in the locker room and informed you that it was going to “blow your mind, dude”? No, of course not! Did your parents ever confiscated a secret uncensored copy of an Esteban CD from your closet as a teenager? No, of course not! Have you ever played any Esteban while attempting to lure the pants off of some poor girl you’ve lured home from the bus stop? NO, of course fucking not!

So who the fuck exactly is this guy?

He looks like the fourth forgotten blind member of the Three Amigo’s, for fuck sakes! Is that supposed to convince me to make 3 monthly installments for $66.00 a month on his patented ‘American Legacy Guitar Package’…NO FUCKING WAY!

I think it’s pretty ballsy to even believe that people are suddenly going to go all ape shit over learning the art of the guitar from a guy that resembles a cross between Roy Orbison and a gay Zorro.

Not for one second do I think that this guy ever jammed out with Eric Clapton on ‘Layla’, or traded solos with Jimmy Page on ‘Stairway to Heaven’, or even so much as fetched Pete Townsend's cream cheese bagel. Fuck, I can scarcely picture this guy banging out ‘Hickory-Dickory-Doc’ on a fucking Fisher Price piano!