"Delicate" Doilies

What exactly is the “Delicate” setting on the dial of a washing machine for anyways?

I don’t know about you, but any garment that has spent more than a few seconds in close contact with my body I wouldn’t want to trust to anything other than, say, the “Boil and Vigorous Scrubbing” setting on the machine’s dial. In fact, I would want my socks and pairs of underwear to be worked over thoroughly by a team of juiced up raccoons with scented industrial formaldehyde during the machines ordinary laundry cycle. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just dowse it all in kerosene and light a match. Know what I'm saying?

Clearly, this is a machine setting that no man in his right mind would ever consider using.

What kind of limp-wristed doily would ever want to use the “Delicate” setting a machine down at the local Laundromat anyways? Heaven’s forbid their precious man-made polyester blends should ever be callously subjected to good ‘ol powdered detergent and the usual wear and tear of a normal rinse cycle! Or that their oprecious sensitive gonads should ever have to grate up against the course freyed fabric of their stiff and worn boxers after it's been put through only a dozen or so Economy Coin Washes.

Pansy-ass!