Access Denied!

Between my home computer, my telephone banking accounts, and all the necessary access codes and logins to the main operating computer systems at my place of employment each day…my life has suddenly become something akin to Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

For somebody not as well versed or patient with complex Operating systems such as myself, trying to retain all these important special logins and passwords is like trying to memorize the Chinese telephone book! By the time I can actually recall and successfully input all my necessary information it’s time to undo it all again to take my regularly scheduled lunch break.

Honestly, I spend more time just stumblefucking my way through the vast series of complex login information like a blind man through a Garden Maze, with such well-thought-out codes as ‘Boobies2’, ‘Boobies3’, ‘Boobies4’, and ‘TabithaSmells’ than I do actually working the accounts and being productive.

On top of these random passwords, there are most detailed and cerebral computer logins that ignite deep philosophical conundrums that manifest and consume my total conscious thought processes until my poor ill-equipped brain implodes in on itself like aneutron star. I never know if I’m logging into my computer or attempting to crack an intercepted Cold War spy code or something…sheesh!

When did my life become so “Access Code” dependant? The way this world is going, soon you’ll need a login code in order to pull up your own socks or a password to flush the toilet…fuck, by the year 2012 I fully expect that we’ll be scanning eyeballs just to simply use the waffle iron in your kitchen!

Shit, why aren’t we just issued with ONE universal PIN number upon birth and have it tattooed to our fucking foreheads so that it’s instantly recognizable and available to the rest of the world for immediate login to whatever the fuck banal task we are next required to perform?