Lentil Poisoning

I discovered today that lentils are in fact the Devil’s food.

Christ, two fucking bowls of homemade Hungarian Lentil Soup last night and my sphincter begins working overtime like the nozzle end of an industrial sized bellow at a medieval Blacksmith shop! This morning, my apartment smells like an ancient Egyptian crypt that has just been uncovered after thousands of years of being buried in the shifting sands.

Holy fuck! I could have been at serious risk of being suffocated in my own bed by my own noxious omissions. How embarrassing! That’s all I need over the holidays is to have my body found by a responding EMS Team on Christmas Day, face down on my hallway floor in a ripe plume of gaseous lentil soup, after I had no doubt attempted to stagger to the bathroom in the middle of the night and lost consciousness along the way.

Either this, or I am about to be visited by the ‘Ghost of Christmas Farts Past’ or something this Holiday Season.

I'm not sure which I am more worried about.