Bulk Barn Blowout

You know you are too becoming too fat when you have to turn your body sideways in order to successfully navigate the massive girth that is your ass through the storefront turnstiles at the local ‘Bulk Barn’ after one too many trips to restock on fruity jube-jubes, licorice nibs, yogurt covered raisins, trail mix, pretzel twists, cheesy puffs, corn nuts, peanut brittle, banana chips, salted cashews, flavored sunflower seeds, peppermint wafers, tropical fruit jelly beans, etc.

You have to learn to read the signs. The writing is on the ‘Bulk Barn’ snack item menu board to your left…”You need to cut down on the chocolate macaroons, tubby!”

I wonder if that’s the actual intended purpose of those turnstiles standing stoically in the storefront like ancient shiny metallic monoliths in the first place? To provide an on-site diet monitoring system for the regular customers to use in order to healthily gauge how often they can continually visit their beloved ‘Bulk Barn’ in search of their plastic baggied bulk goodies.

I can read the storefront window sign now: “Your ass must be LESS that this fat to enter the store.”