Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Worst Job Ever!

Being the possessor of one of the worst all round shitty jobs on the planet, I am always keeping an eye open for other even less-than-fortunate workers that occupy lowly positions even further down into the darkest, nastiest bowels of the regular Employment World…and I think I have finally found the granddaddy shitty job of them all ~ the “Product Sales Assistant” found in the aisles at the local ‘Smartfresh’, ‘Freshsave’, ‘SafeFresh’, or whatever the fuck the nearest local Biggie-sized grocery store in your community is called these days.

You can see it in their eyes as you are helping yourself to one of their little paper cups full of bite-sized product samples: they are looking at you like they were staring at you through the crosshairs of a semi-automatic hunting rifle! Maybe it’s the fumes from the vegetable sprays in the Produce section, or the fact that they’ve listened to Annie Lennox one too many times that day already…but their eyes are lifeless and empty as they continue to routinely dole out the prepared portions of ‘Farm Fresh Snausages’ and insert the customary toothpick. These are the type of people whose names you will read in future newspaper headlines in a few years time when they suddenly snap and run berserk in the Frozen Food aisle with a dull carving knife.

And who could blame them? They DO have the shittiest job in the galaxy after all! Imagine the stimulating conversation they must have over the course of their 8 hour shift with every basic life-skilled, nose-picking, coupon-cutting, moolyak that maneuvers a shopping cart past them? “So, what are these snausages made from? Are these REAL snausages? How do these compare to the other cheaper No-Name Brand snausages?”

Yeah, I’d choke myself to death by stuffing entire boxes of snausages down my throat to put myself out of that kind of misery.


Post a Comment

<< Home