Non-Names
I spoke on the phone today with someone named Tiara…isn’t that just fucking precious? What, were her parents creatively-stunted Royalty or did they just have high aspirations for their daughter to be a future Miss America beauty pageant contestant?
I have noticed that peoples names these days have been becoming increasing uncreative and unimaginative in that we are now beginning to simply recycle or reuse unpopular and forgotten English words already in existance that were once used to identify ordinary inanimate objects. I call these "Non-names".
I have also spoken to a Lactancia (wasn’t that a brand of margarine for fuck sakes?), and an Alberta (who had no knowledge of the Canadian province in which almost 3 million people live) today as well. Are we so quickly running out of original names and we are now forced to adopt old brand names of margarine to name our children?
Why not just name our children after the first thing we see when they are born. Just imagine a whole new plethora of possible cutesy children names as: Danish, Toaster, Marmalade, Mouse Pad, Lima Bean, Decaffinate, Aspertame, Fax, or Mayonnaise. They’re all about as equally creative and original as Tiara!
I can’t wait to hear the announcement from the stage at my future child’s High School graduation one day: “And graduating with Honors and a 4.9 Grade Point average, Pringles Nash. (Bet you can't pop just one!)”
Boy I’ll be so proud; along with her other siblings Twinkie, Swiffer, and Moon Pie Nash sitting beside me.
I have noticed that peoples names these days have been becoming increasing uncreative and unimaginative in that we are now beginning to simply recycle or reuse unpopular and forgotten English words already in existance that were once used to identify ordinary inanimate objects. I call these "Non-names".
I have also spoken to a Lactancia (wasn’t that a brand of margarine for fuck sakes?), and an Alberta (who had no knowledge of the Canadian province in which almost 3 million people live) today as well. Are we so quickly running out of original names and we are now forced to adopt old brand names of margarine to name our children?
Why not just name our children after the first thing we see when they are born. Just imagine a whole new plethora of possible cutesy children names as: Danish, Toaster, Marmalade, Mouse Pad, Lima Bean, Decaffinate, Aspertame, Fax, or Mayonnaise. They’re all about as equally creative and original as Tiara!
I can’t wait to hear the announcement from the stage at my future child’s High School graduation one day: “And graduating with Honors and a 4.9 Grade Point average, Pringles Nash. (Bet you can't pop just one!)”
Boy I’ll be so proud; along with her other siblings Twinkie, Swiffer, and Moon Pie Nash sitting beside me.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
11:32 AM
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