Blueberry Monkey

I have found my newest addiction in this life. Another reason to get out of bed in the morning, a definite purpose for my very existence in this world: ‘President’s Choice Blueberry Cheesecake Crunch’ cookies!

If there is an easier and quicker way to experience Heaven, I haven’t found it! These cookies are like rock cocaine, you can’t simply have just one! I bet half the population of regular President’s Choice consumers and cookie aficionado’s alike, may also helplessly be hooked on these delicious morsels of pure ecstasy as well.

Soon, there will be sickly, jonsing cookie junkies outside Tim Horton’s begging for spare change in order to secure their next fix of Blueberry Cheesecake Crunch cookies. Prior addictions to Oreo’s, Chips Ahoy!, Nutter Butter’s, and even Animal Crackers were all just merely serving as “Gateway Cookies” for the granddaddy of them all.

Rehab Clinics will soon also be providing specialized methadone programs in order to help ween the growing numbers of desperately hooked, sugar-crazed cookie addicts off their beloved Blueberry Cheesecake Crunches and quell their agonizing withdrawal fits in the process.

“My name is Terry, and I’m a ‘Blueberry Cheesecake Crunch’ addict. Over the years, I lost my job, my home, my family, my pride, my self-respect, and even my livelihood to these demonic, sweet-tasting ‘Blueberry Cheesecake Crunch’ cookies. I need help."

*sob*