Hot Pussy

(WARNING: This post actually contains no mention or subject matter of vaginas, hot or otherwise, or splayed genitalia of any kind)

My cat has developed a most thoroughly disgusting habit.

Now that the humid weather is upon us, he has searched out the coolest spot in the apartment in which he can escape the heat of the day. Unfortunately, this place also happens to be the bathroom tile located behind my toilet. You can image how disconcerting this is to me.

But of course, I am going to anyway.

For all you single fellas, perhaps even some of you single gals, and definitely you attached girls who often spend nights at their boyfriends, I don’t have to tell you how many different kinds of gross thrive back there. It’s like a germ Xanadu, for Christ sake!

Saddam Hussein wouldn’t hide his weapons of mass destruction back there.

What is it about animals that they don't seem to mind fecal odours? Dogs sniff each others asses in greeting, cats roll in dead bird carcassess, and now my cat has taken to spreading himself out in my latenight slips and drips *. It must have a stink back there that's practically epic. Of course, I can't confirm this exactly, since like most bachelors, like myself, consider cleaning the toilet a faux pas on par with cleaning the barbecue or emptying out the finished coffee cups from the backseat.

But I imagine it's pretty bad.

But regardless, now my cat is venturing into this No Man's Land. Then, after he's all cool and content, he decides that he wants to be, like, all cuddly.

* That's right - I drip. So what? Considering what I'm working with, half-asleep, during my late night bathroom visit, how could I not slosh around just a little? It's like trying to fill a shot glass with a high-powered firehose. It's bound to get a little messy.