Bracing for Impact
Okay, time to rethink your retirement plans everyone. The big one is coming!
And I don’t mean that in any pleasant kind of phallic sense, as you’d probably otherwise expect from me. No, I mean the kind of grab your ass and head for the East Coast kinda big one.
Astronomers have spotted an asteroid whose projected trajectory shows that it will pass very close to our planet in 2029, and have a chance of hitting Earth on its next pass in 2036.
Uh-oh!
‘Apophis’, so named for the Egyptian god of death and darkness, if it hits the Earth, would generate an impact that would equal the force of 100 nuclear bombs said noted astrophysicist and PBS "Origins" star Neil deGrasse Tyson yesterday.
Apophis, huh? Way to put a positive spin on it, Jackass. Why not just call it somethng equally arbitrary, like “Death Comet”, and incite total and complete panic around the globe?
“In 2029," Tyson said, "on Friday the 13th in April, Apophis is a certainty to come closer to Earth than our communications satellites. It'll be the largest thing to come that close in recorded history ... and depending on that trajectory, will determine whether it will hit us seven years later."
Odds have been placed on the doomsday asteroid hitting the Earth at around 1 in 38,000. Still not a big enough margin in my opinion. Nobody expected the New York Giants to go 37-8 back in 1951 and force a playoff series with the Brooklyn Dodgers; nobody expected Nicole Kidman to recoup her career and win an Academy Award after being dumped by husband Tom Cruise; and nobody thought the Titanic would sink if it collided with a floating block of ice – so I’m not liking the chances of this asteroid missing the Earth, quite frankly.
Particularly since the impact date falls squarely on Friday the 13th! How many more signs do you fucking need? Personally, I won't be waiting around for God to reach down from the heaven's and give us a big 'Thump's Up' to confirm the collision...I'll be in some dug out bombshelter in the mountains of Nepal with a good book.
We should have been listening to the muppet in the wheelchair all along!
DeGrasse did have some happy news on the subject though: "Apophis, if it hits, will not contribute to global warning. It'll just wipe out the entire West Coast of North America."
Sucks to a Californian though. But, hey, they need themselves a good disaster of Biblical proportions to straighten things out anyway.
And I don’t mean that in any pleasant kind of phallic sense, as you’d probably otherwise expect from me. No, I mean the kind of grab your ass and head for the East Coast kinda big one.
Astronomers have spotted an asteroid whose projected trajectory shows that it will pass very close to our planet in 2029, and have a chance of hitting Earth on its next pass in 2036.
Uh-oh!
‘Apophis’, so named for the Egyptian god of death and darkness, if it hits the Earth, would generate an impact that would equal the force of 100 nuclear bombs said noted astrophysicist and PBS "Origins" star Neil deGrasse Tyson yesterday.
Apophis, huh? Way to put a positive spin on it, Jackass. Why not just call it somethng equally arbitrary, like “Death Comet”, and incite total and complete panic around the globe?
“In 2029," Tyson said, "on Friday the 13th in April, Apophis is a certainty to come closer to Earth than our communications satellites. It'll be the largest thing to come that close in recorded history ... and depending on that trajectory, will determine whether it will hit us seven years later."
Odds have been placed on the doomsday asteroid hitting the Earth at around 1 in 38,000. Still not a big enough margin in my opinion. Nobody expected the New York Giants to go 37-8 back in 1951 and force a playoff series with the Brooklyn Dodgers; nobody expected Nicole Kidman to recoup her career and win an Academy Award after being dumped by husband Tom Cruise; and nobody thought the Titanic would sink if it collided with a floating block of ice – so I’m not liking the chances of this asteroid missing the Earth, quite frankly.
Particularly since the impact date falls squarely on Friday the 13th! How many more signs do you fucking need? Personally, I won't be waiting around for God to reach down from the heaven's and give us a big 'Thump's Up' to confirm the collision...I'll be in some dug out bombshelter in the mountains of Nepal with a good book.
We should have been listening to the muppet in the wheelchair all along!
DeGrasse did have some happy news on the subject though: "Apophis, if it hits, will not contribute to global warning. It'll just wipe out the entire West Coast of North America."
Sucks to a Californian though. But, hey, they need themselves a good disaster of Biblical proportions to straighten things out anyway.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
3:24 PM
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