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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Ganja On My Mind

In a single vicious stroke for justice, the Louisiana Highway Patrol has managed to successfully gain a all-too-brief upper hand on America’s ongoing War on Drugs.

That’s right, folks! Willie Nelson’s tour bus was finally raided this past September after a routine pull over. The officers at the scene caught a whiff of something suspicious emanating from the vehicle as soon as the driver opened the door where over one and a half pounds of marijuana and a small bag of psychedelic mushrooms estimated at two-tenths of a pound were found. That’s sure taking a bite out of crime all right!

So Willie likes his ganja. Big surprise there, huh?

According to Willie Williams* of the Louisiana Highway Patrol, aside from the 73-year-old ringleader, citations were issued to his sister, Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas; Gates Moore, 54, from Austin; David Anderson, 50, of Dallas; and Tony Sizemore, 59, of St. Cloud, Florida. Sure sounds like one hard-fucking-core gang of wiley dope runners, eh?

Way to go, Officer Williams - you busted a busload of senior citizens.

Boy! Do I feel safer now! Thank God that good ‘ol country boy is finally off the streets.

If convicted, they could each face up to six months in jail--but probation and/or fines are more likely sentences. Pardon? Isn't six months for smoking pot a bit harsh for 73 year old woman? Glaucoma, arthritis, anaemia, constipation, rheumatic pain, jaundice, asthma, muscular dystrophy, epilepsy, excitability - take your fucking pick! Shit, an old woman should be stoned 24-fucking-7! Being caught smoking pot on a tourbus hardly qualifies them for the Helmet of Rats. Shit, why not just cancel their cable subscriptions so that they can’t get their regular fixes of Matlock and justice will just about have been served.

In Nelson’s defense, Williams added: "No one aboard the bus gave any of our troopers any problems. When the search was conducted, they were very cordial and, subsequently, admitted to being the owners of the narcotics."

What else would you expect from a busload of stoned seniors there, exactly, Schwarzkopf? Jeez, consider yourselves lucky they remembered their name.

* What were the chances?

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