Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Magaza Strip

A new eating establishment opened up across the street from my place of employment the other day called ‘Magaza’ - an Oasis among a wasteland of fast food burgers and greasy Pizza Huts.

Initially I was concerned about being kidnapped and beheaded should I try and enter the place; but upon closer inspection, I realized that it was not a Jihad kind of thing and so I ventured through the front doors.

To my surprise, it was a rather pleasant European-style deli - a real live healthy, home-cooked fare type of joint. I’m not really sure what a “European-style deli” really is, but from the specials I read on the sign I’m led to believe that is means they love their meat and fresh food. Whatever, the Europeans apparently really know how to operate a deli.

Having just recently considered switching to vegetarianism, this discovery couldn’t have come at a more crucial time – namely in stopping my ass from doing anything drastic such as going vegan. You see, I realize now that I like meat. I mean, I, really, love, my meat (and not in the perverted sense). So much so, that when I go to the butcher’s (or a deli in this case), I believe that I don’t actually choose my cut of meat - my cut of meat chooses me!

I am a happy, dedicated carnivore. My appreciation for fine meat is almost spiritual. I confess.

In fact, I think in order to be done properly, there should be some kind of ‘Compatibility Application’ submitted in advance before being allowed to choose your meat cut. Not just any retard should be able to pick out any ‘ol meat cut he wants so that he can just take it home and wreck the shit out of it on a cheap-ass Hibachi.

No, sir! Why not take it even one step further?

How about some speed-dating type of arrangement where you’re seated with a dozen or so types of meat providing you the opportunity to get to know the meat cut first before being expected to make your final evenings BBQ decision?

Imagine that conversational meet-and-greet:

“So, have you ever done this kind of thing before?”

Pork chop: (silent)

“What kind of vegetable do you see yourself being served with?”

Pork chop: (silent)

“Do you like marinade, or would you prefer a dry rub?”

Pork chop: (begins to sweat)

“What’s your stance on Propane vs. Charcoal?”

Pork chop: (silent)

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