Process Protest

I am announcing to the modern world - here and now - that I am forevermore boycotting the word “process”, as well as eliminating my having anything to do with my being involved in a “process” of any sort.

When did everything in life suddenly become a “process”?

It seems that the word “process” has become the new buzzword for your average business-minded jackass at large. Everybody drops this word around my office place now. Even in my personal life, as well as in my normal every day conversations, people continue to mention and refer to all these on-going “processes” in life for which they are involved.

It’s enough to make you scream.

Life is a series of complex processes it’s true. I won’t deny that. From the cellular level onward, life itself would not exist if it weren’t for the extremely mystical processes that create the natural world around us. Mother Nature is a mad scientist.

But, honestly, when did everybody just stop doing shit?

Nobody actually does anything anymore; everyone is part of a process. The very word “process” itself seems to have become known as another way of saying: “I’ll get around to it. Now quit bugging me, fuckstick”.

What would happen if our little amoeba buddies decided to stop splitting and growing, and instead decided to involve themselves in a “process”? Christ, everything in life would probably end up looking like some genetic freak and take twice as long to get there. Thankfully, our cells commit themselves to the task at hand and do their job from the get go. The people at my work lately are not as diligent.

Lets look at the actual definition of “Process”:

Process (proh-sess) - noun “a series of actions or operations used in making or achieving of something”.

So it seems to indicate that there is supposed to be some final positive end result. Except that there is also an old adage that goes “too many cooks spoil the soup”. Which is to say, the more people you include in performing these specific actions or operations the more likely the chance of something fucking up and going awry preventing any kind of achievement whatsoever.

Personally, I like to get shit done. I need that old fashioned sense of accomplishment to validate my hard efforts.

I don’t contribute to a “process”. Pussies contribute to a “process”. It sounds more like something having to do with making cheese.

But regardless, everything is a process these days. It’s all “process this” and “process that” at the end of the day. The next unfortunate person that asks me to contribute to a process is going to inevitably end up with having my office swivel chair immediately processed up their ass.

Just leave me along so I can get some shit done!