Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Monday, September 27, 2004

Doing the 'Hurricane Shuffle'

What’s a balmy weekend day without the traditional Hurricane Reports on CNN? It has simply become as much a part of enjoying my usual summer's day as the nasty rash that has lingered all season on my thighs and nutsack; only less enjoyable.

The Florida mainland has suffered through its fourth major hurricane in 6 weeks (the most that has besieged the Florida coasts in over 100 years); Charley, Frances, Ivan, Jeanne, and now Lisa on the way. Fuck, that sounds like the chorus line down at the ‘ol Local Oddfellows Club. It’s sure not the Four Tops, I can tell you that much! Even the Wicked Witch of the East would have been flying her broomstick directly to the nearest storm shelter by now to be sure.

Florida homeowners have claimed over 35 billion in home insurance polices alone, and in Haiti over 300,000 are left homeless (although, only $21.67 has so far been claimed in home insurance policies) with bodies piling up in the streets as the desperate and destitute riot in the streets with Peace Keeping security teams for food and drinking water. The Disaster Reports always look like a clipped scene from the ‘Evil Dead’ movie series salvaged from the editing room floor.

Who needs fucking Reality television when you have this kind of madness taking place in the world? How long before we’re skipping highly anticipated Survivor episodes in favor of watching “Volcano Report”, “Celebrity Earthquake”, or “The Tornado Life” instead?


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