So long, Farewell...

A lady on my team at work is leaving for a new employment opportunity today so we are all expected to sign a weepy sentimental Hallmark Card to send her off with.

I hate signing these motherfuckin’ hollow tokens of gratitude as they inevitably make me feel like I am on the receiving end of a sharp kick to the scrotum when I try and come up with something delightfully witty and poignant to sign on the inside. Chances are that they are moving on to a more enjoyable, easier, and probably higher paying job and yet I’m still supposed to be remorseful that they are leaving? “Fuck off! And don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

They should be leaving me a sympathy card since they’re the ones leaving me behind to continue slaving away in this corporate wasteland while they move on to better things in life!

Do they really think that I’m going to miss them after they’re gone? HA! With any luck, her cantankerous, self-centered, BO-ridden ass will be replaced by a fresh, gullible, blonde Swedish exchange student with Double-D knockers and a fetish for overweight, going nowhere slackers like myself.