Faye Ray Lay

Hollywood film icon Faye Ray, otherwise known as King Kong's love interest, has passed away peacefully of old age.

I am skeptical that nautral causes were in fact the real reason for her untimely demise. I suspect that it may have been caused by lingering complications derived at having attempted intercourse with a three story tall monkey.

Now matter how many years you've spent conditioning yourself with tantrix sex practises or how many levels of yoga you've mastered, your vagina is still bound to experience some sort of severe wear and tear after you've been violated by a gargantuan monkey dick the size of a double-decker bus! Nevermind walking with a limp the next morning, she probably wasn't able to even stagger out from her apartment for years after this traumatic romp. Her uterus probably could have served as the clubhouse for the entire New York Mets baseball team.

Imagine the sloppy seconds after mighty Kong had finished having his way with her. It would have been like taking a dip in a pool of manky cottage cheese.

Yes, it's true. I am bound to go straight to hell after writing this.