Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Will Work for Haagan-Daas!

Today is a marvellous day here at Corporate Hell. Today, our cafeteria was blessed with an ice cream vending machine. Come lunchbreak, you could hear the collective clanging shut of the ventricle valves across the workfloor in joyous celebration.

Oh goodie, an ice cream machine! Now that the hot and humiod days of summer have almost passed and we move into the chilly winter season, we can now reward our work efforts with a cold, refreshing ice cream bar! Woo-ha! Because there's nothing quite like cooling off on those hot January work days with a nice Oreo ice cream snadwich. What next? Are they going to provide us a Hot Soup vending machine come next June? Thank you corporate powers-that-be!

They can't correctly calculate my monthly statistics to allocate my earned monthly bonuses, so they give me access to $3.00 'Nutty-Buddies' in the cafeteria. Boy, that sure makes up for any overdue monetary miscalculations. Shit, if they give me a Peanut Butter vending machine I will never have to leave work again or have to worry about monthly bonuses at all on my paychecks as any owed debt of gratitude will already be considered paid in full! They can just tap those empty calorie work incentives straight into my ass via IV-drip.

Oh yeah, I feel appreciated now!


  • OOOO, that sounds like the start of a fantasy that keeps occuring to me while I'm trying to forget that I'm chained to the cubicle.

    Once the peanut butter starts flowing, a midget and a goat come in from the smoke room. Then we...umm, never mind. Keep up the good work.

    By Blogger x-nem-x, at 3:09 PM  

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