Infomercial Introspect
I saw an Infomercial today for the new 'Nautilus Abclimber' exercise machine on the television. Here were athletic people, whose ass you could crack walnuts on, working out happily on this menacing looking contraption against a scenic backdrop of beautiful rugged mountains.
What the fuck would you want to prance about like a pansy-ass on a mechanical bike that closer resembles a medieval torture device, goose-stepping like a band major in the local Salvation Army Marching Band, when you could simply lace up a pair of ordinary hiking boots and have the same workout climbing the actual mountain valleys and passes around you and forget about the $129.99 monthly payments altogether?
It's like advertising Liposuction services at a Diet Center. Redundant. I hope the cogs in that Nautilus Abclimber snap and send that slim-lined health uber-freak tumbling down the mountain face where Chuck Norris is waiting to dropkick them in the crotch.
Poetic justice.
What the fuck would you want to prance about like a pansy-ass on a mechanical bike that closer resembles a medieval torture device, goose-stepping like a band major in the local Salvation Army Marching Band, when you could simply lace up a pair of ordinary hiking boots and have the same workout climbing the actual mountain valleys and passes around you and forget about the $129.99 monthly payments altogether?
It's like advertising Liposuction services at a Diet Center. Redundant. I hope the cogs in that Nautilus Abclimber snap and send that slim-lined health uber-freak tumbling down the mountain face where Chuck Norris is waiting to dropkick them in the crotch.
Poetic justice.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
5:30 PM
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