Corporate Classroom
We were issued today with a “Code of Business Conduct” to review. As it turns out, everything I needed to know about the Corporate World I learned back in Kindergarten.
This must be some all important Code of Ethics since not only do I have to sign it once I have had the chance to read and reviewed it, but I also have to sigh that I have been issued it to read and sign, and then sign again that I have in fact signed for it and read and signed it when finished. What the fuck? Isn’t that a lot of signing for something that has no real bearing on my actual work performance or the nature of my employ? After reading and signing for this fucking thing so many times, I am now able to do a thousand wrist curls with my writing hand alone, and I STILL have no real fucking idea what my “Conflicts of Interest” are exactly!
The rest of this corporate malarkey reads like the standard list of Rules and Regulations for any kindergarten classroom of teary-eyed, booger-munching Rug Rats (or, “Guiding Principles” as detailed in the mandate). I’m surprised it didn’t come with a large “Golden Rule” banner printed across the front page.
Such professional tidbits of corporate wisdom enclosed in this “Code of Business Conduct” mandate that any other regular schmuck, such as myself, should have learned at an early age and still currently abides by already include: Play Nice With Others (or, “Fair Dealing”), Play Nice With Other Peoples Stuff (or, “Protection and Proper Use of Company Assets”), Always Do as You’re Told (or, “Compliance With Laws, Rules, and Regulations”)...and lastly, If You Ever See Anybody Else Breaking Any of the Above, Rat Them Out to an Adult (or, “Reporting of any Illegal or Unethical Behavior”). Very good indeed!
I am extremely glad to know that Mrs. Halaiko wasn’t wasting my time and needlessly leading me down the Primrose Path by teaching me rules of polite conduct that wouldn’t apply in my later adult life. Because, I sure would be pissed off had I now found out that she was just wasting my time back then teaching me how to be a responsible, forthright member of society instead of just letting me eat paste and burying my Star Wars figurines in the sandbox.
This must be some all important Code of Ethics since not only do I have to sign it once I have had the chance to read and reviewed it, but I also have to sigh that I have been issued it to read and sign, and then sign again that I have in fact signed for it and read and signed it when finished. What the fuck? Isn’t that a lot of signing for something that has no real bearing on my actual work performance or the nature of my employ? After reading and signing for this fucking thing so many times, I am now able to do a thousand wrist curls with my writing hand alone, and I STILL have no real fucking idea what my “Conflicts of Interest” are exactly!
The rest of this corporate malarkey reads like the standard list of Rules and Regulations for any kindergarten classroom of teary-eyed, booger-munching Rug Rats (or, “Guiding Principles” as detailed in the mandate). I’m surprised it didn’t come with a large “Golden Rule” banner printed across the front page.
Such professional tidbits of corporate wisdom enclosed in this “Code of Business Conduct” mandate that any other regular schmuck, such as myself, should have learned at an early age and still currently abides by already include: Play Nice With Others (or, “Fair Dealing”), Play Nice With Other Peoples Stuff (or, “Protection and Proper Use of Company Assets”), Always Do as You’re Told (or, “Compliance With Laws, Rules, and Regulations”)...and lastly, If You Ever See Anybody Else Breaking Any of the Above, Rat Them Out to an Adult (or, “Reporting of any Illegal or Unethical Behavior”). Very good indeed!
I am extremely glad to know that Mrs. Halaiko wasn’t wasting my time and needlessly leading me down the Primrose Path by teaching me rules of polite conduct that wouldn’t apply in my later adult life. Because, I sure would be pissed off had I now found out that she was just wasting my time back then teaching me how to be a responsible, forthright member of society instead of just letting me eat paste and burying my Star Wars figurines in the sandbox.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
4:09 PM
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