Knee-Deep in Man Ass

I would like to take this opportunity to address all my peers and co-workers who have assumed that because I currently happen to be unlucky in love and have the dating history of Jack the Ripper, that I must, in fact, be a homosexual.

Well, to them I would like to say: “Blow me!” I’m insulted!

Believe me, if I found other men's hairy ass’s sexy, I think I would have known long before now, thanks. But seeing as how I am a person with a particularly robust frame and an insatiable appetite for everything that is potentially bad for my health already, someone who has NEVER lived in “denial” of anything in my life, much less ever being able to say ‘No’ to anything that even sounds remotely appealing!

Whether it be fine cuisine, good booze, strong drugs, delicious junk food, bad cheese television, or whatever, don’t you think that if I were to in any way ever desire the embrace of another man and feel his hairy butt cheeks grasped tightly in my palms that I would already have scratched that itch by now? If I ever wanted a sweaty, hairy man ass to satisfy my cravings in any way, shape, or perversion - then I’d already be knee deep in man ass by now! I’d be popping the amyl nitrate and helping myself to two scoops of man ass as often as possible until I was literally fucking cuckoo for gay Cocoa Puffs!

I think my real lack of success in the romance department may more closely stem from the fact that I have surrounded myself with judgmental imbeciles who apparently know me about as well as my cat knows Nuclear Physics, and have been spreading unfounded rumors about my sexuality to everybody in earshot.

Thanks very much, Dr. Dipshit's!