Tofu Plankton Meatloaf

Thursday, February 17, 2005


I received a package in the mail today from Germany that contained for reasons not worth mentioning, a ripped portion of packaging for an ordinary German frozen dinner product.

“KASSLER SHCULTERBRATEN – mit Kartoffelpuree und herzhaftem Sauerkraut”

I have no idea what this exactly, but judging by the picture on the front of the package, it must be the reminents of a meal that would have been served at any Nazi concentration camp back during WWII. It was even far nastier than anything pictured on our own North American brands of frozen dinners!

The listing of ingredients that make up the ‘Nutritional Value’ information on the back of the package reads:

“Wasser, 18% Kassler Schulter (mit Antioxidationsmittel Natriumisoascrbat), Sauerkraut, Kartoffeln, pflanzliches Fett, Zucker, Tomatenmark, pflanzliches Ol, Aroma (renthalt milch und Sellerie), durchwachsener Rauchspeck, Weizenmehl, modifizierte Starke, Jodsalz, Stabilisator Guarkernmehl, Johannisbrotkernmehl und Xanthan, Geschmacksverstarker Mononatriumglutamat, Gewurzaromasalz, Hfeextrakt, Sauerungsmiten, Gewurzaromasalz, Natriumhydrogensulfit…”

WTF? That even reads as pure evil! This sounds like it could be the same formula as that used in the Auschwitz gas chambers, that has just been repackaged and remarketed for the humble people of the Fatherland. “Grow up big and strong, eat your Kassler Schulterbraten!”

I wonder how many mad Nazi scientists were employed to design, taste, and perfect this prepared Satan's Slop? I wonder if they belonged to some more ‘Healthy Lifestyles’ branch of Hitler’s notorious and feared ‘Third Raunch’ Regime; known only as the ‘Luftnasty’.


  • Kartoffelpuree is mashed potatoes... and the braten is some sort of sausage. Sounds really nasty!! German food = bad food served by stern women with thick ankles.

    zucker, sugar

    wasser, water

    By Blogger Carly, at 12:34 PM  

  • you forgot:

    pflanzliches = please pass the barfenbaggen.

    By Blogger crazytigerrabbitman, at 8:33 PM  

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