The Electric Cat's Asshole
It happened so quickly. One minute, we were sharing in an intimate moment that can only be experienced by a single man and his cat, and next thing we know there’s an arc of blue light, the faint whiff of burnt hair, and my cat is hanging from the ceiling by his claws and yowling like it was the end of the world…WTF?
Well, considering it’s been more than a little dry in my apartment lately (as most normally tend to be in the wintertime), my cat has become a walking ball of static electricity...it's a cats Occupational Hazard, what can I say? But seriously, the total amount of static electricity that this cat gives off would be enough to power a forty-watt light bulb! Sometimes when he immerges from under my bed after a particularly busy day of napping and licking, he will have missing stray socks clinging to his furry body so that he could easily pass for Tutankhamun’s kitty cat.
Anyways, there we were, master and pet enjoying each others company when it happened: the blue arc of light from my fingertip to his poor little unsuspecting kitty ass!
At the time, we were in the midst of performing what is known in the Cat Groomer’s world as the “Single-Handed Stroke n’ Twirl” when, for a split nano-second only, my fingertips passed in near proximity to his exposed pucker, and SHAZAM! A bolt of electricity shoots out from my index finger and jolts his asshole like a police issue taser gun!
ZAP!
It was a completely innocent grooming maneuver...I SWEAR! Like with the Tacoma Narrows Bridge or the Three Gorges Dam disasters, there was simply no way of knowing or predicting that this would happen. It's a low impact activity for pet owners and an enjoyable one for the pet...until tragedy strikes, of course.
Hopefully, we will be able to put this unpleasantness behind us and move forward towards total recovery. And to ensure as complete a recovery as possible, I am buying a video camera tomarrow and restaging the whole tragic event for Bob Saget in the hopes that I may have a stab at the next $10,000 cash prize.
Well, considering it’s been more than a little dry in my apartment lately (as most normally tend to be in the wintertime), my cat has become a walking ball of static electricity...it's a cats Occupational Hazard, what can I say? But seriously, the total amount of static electricity that this cat gives off would be enough to power a forty-watt light bulb! Sometimes when he immerges from under my bed after a particularly busy day of napping and licking, he will have missing stray socks clinging to his furry body so that he could easily pass for Tutankhamun’s kitty cat.
Anyways, there we were, master and pet enjoying each others company when it happened: the blue arc of light from my fingertip to his poor little unsuspecting kitty ass!
At the time, we were in the midst of performing what is known in the Cat Groomer’s world as the “Single-Handed Stroke n’ Twirl” when, for a split nano-second only, my fingertips passed in near proximity to his exposed pucker, and SHAZAM! A bolt of electricity shoots out from my index finger and jolts his asshole like a police issue taser gun!
ZAP!
It was a completely innocent grooming maneuver...I SWEAR! Like with the Tacoma Narrows Bridge or the Three Gorges Dam disasters, there was simply no way of knowing or predicting that this would happen. It's a low impact activity for pet owners and an enjoyable one for the pet...until tragedy strikes, of course.
Hopefully, we will be able to put this unpleasantness behind us and move forward towards total recovery. And to ensure as complete a recovery as possible, I am buying a video camera tomarrow and restaging the whole tragic event for Bob Saget in the hopes that I may have a stab at the next $10,000 cash prize.
posted by crazytigerrabbitman at
12:12 AM
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