Larry King Sucks

Larry King is a douchebag.

Tonight he is hosting a debate on the Jessica Lunsford issue in the wake of the murder arrest of that creepy dude John Evander Couey, 46, in Homosassa*, FL. Tonight's particular topic du jour is: "should members of a community be made aware of registered offenders living in their neighborhood"?

Well – duh!

Here are four criminal experts arguing with each other, despite the fact that they all agree on the same goddamn verdict: "OF FUCKING COURSE!" So, why are they arguing with each other if they agree? And there’s Larry in the middle of it all, hunched forward, furled brow, antagonizing each panel member in a broadcast equivalent of poking frightened dogs with sticks.

Absolutely fucking pointless. Why not just arm them with bamboo poles and have them conduct their redundant debate in a good 'ol fashioned round of Indianesian Stick Fighting? Winner has the last word. At least we could be wagering bets on the panel members until Battlebots comes on next.

I’d like to hear the only caller who might happen to agree that the presence and whereabouts of registered sex offenders shouldn’t be public knowledge.

(in a dozy childlike tone):

"Hi, Larry. I'm shocked and appalled. It's ridiculous, really Larry, just really. Ridiculous! C’mon, it’s not fair. Sex offenders are people to and they think and feel like everybody else. You can see God in their little sex offender face Larry. Don't you, Larry? They're beautiful people. You can even share you bed with them too, Larry. Do you ever just share your bed Larry? It's nice to just share your bed with sex offenders – it’s an expression of ultimate love. It's a beautiful thing - andmost importantly, Larry, it's about love, LOVE! That’s what Bubbles used to say, anyways. If those nosey neighbors keep being all mean and nosey, then the poor sex offenders will have to just beat it - just beat it."

*Not to be confused with Homosalsa – the capital of gay Mexico.