Bake Sale Kumate

(For the "Cheesecake Lady"; because I know she'll be peeking.)

One of the ladies that I work with brought in a cheesecake today and I was offered to share in a slice at break time. Isn’t that nice? Mental Note To Self: “Always suck up to anyone who can bake well.”

There are a few kind ladies now who all seem to subconsciously vie to “tempt my tummy with the taste of nuts and honey”, so to speak. I feel like the ‘Honey-Nut Cheerios’ bee sometimes as I move slowly down their aisle buffet of baked goods and wrapped candies. I imagine the ladies competing to lure my focused attention to their desktop bowls of sweets or their Tupperware containers of home-baked goodies.

Sometimes, I like to encourage them to compete a little more aggressively for my sweet tooth by subtly egging them on.

“Oh Eleanor, are those delicious Hershey Kisses? May I have one? Oh, wait! Joan, is that CHEESECAKE? Sorry, fuck off Eleanor. Get back to me when you upgrade from those sorry-ass Kisses.”

Or just simply start off my day with: "Okay girls, who has the most fattening, high-calorie, cavity trap for me today?"